So.... sitting at school, waiting for class to start. ::yawns::

On the way here I had a major panic attack (::still coming down from it:: )... For those who have never had to deal with panic anxiety, I envy you. It is one of the worst feelings anyone could experiance. Everytime it happens my muscles tense, my heart races, my mind is thinking so many thoughts that I begin to twitch and freak out. I have to run, and scream, and lay down... I want to be held, and left alone.

I feel like I'm going to die.

I've been trying to figure out methods to avoid them, or to rid of them when they happen. I try to keep my mind numb with hand-held games or reading. I try to sing along with the music on the radio (hum if i dont know the words)... and if it gets really bad, I YELL! REALLY LOUD AT MYSELF!

STOP FREAKING OUT IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD!

I know it's just my mind racing, but it's so hard. It used to be this bad when I was young, and I would hyperventalate a lot... then it stopped. For years nothing happened, and suddenly it's back. I hate it so much.... my mom has panic anxiety disorder (i got it from her), and she suggested medication. But the long term effects of clonapin (dont think it's spelled that way, but that's how it sounds) can be life threatening. My mom has been taking it her entire life, and if she were to come off of it now, she could die.

I hate medications.

I promised myself I would never take meds (i hardly ever take asprin for headaches), but it's gotten to the point where I'd do anything to stop the attacks. I know it all sounds silly, but if it were to happen to you... then maybe you'd understand...

My mind is my greatest ally, and my worst enemy. I'm tired of suffering like this... I just want to go back to a normal life, no fear of the next attack.

If anyone has any suggestions, or suffer panic anxiety like me, give some feed back. I'm up for any advice...

In the most emo-ish way ever.... help me.